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Honest Living

by Matt Wixson

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1.
See I have a funny feeling Such a funny little feeling But it might be hard for you to understand Yeah I have a funny feeling Just a funny little feeling That I’d be better off a happy man But you’re telling me that’s bullshit That misery is better for us both Depression is the ideal state for writing And that’s the side of me you love the Most nights I spend Trying to perform impossible tasks And paranoia Has me considering improbable acts And I know Ok, I hope this isn’t you Yeah I hope This funny little feeling isn’t true
2.
I’ve had a few ideas Some plans that never worked I’ve also had good fortune That was probably undeserved And I’ve seen more than I could have hoped And I’ve been mostly able to cope I’ve met some special people A few I might call friends I’ve fucked up opportunities And promising plans And they were right, I could do anything Yet another sunset, and still I’ve done nothing And wherever I end up, wherever I end up Wherever I end up, I hope you’re there A multiverse of options A single train of thought I’m looking for a leader I’m not looking to be taught And I’ll make sure that nothing goes to waste My carcass can be fit to your own taste If anything is missing I’d like to fill the void I’ve said all that I need to But I still don’t have a boy And what more could I possibly prove? There’s just one peak remaining to move And wherever I end up, wherever I end up Wherever I end up, I hope you’re there It’s with all modesty I say I’ve had a good run And with all honesty I say I’m probably done If there’s anything worth doing left It can’t be done alone I can’t do it on my own And wherever I end up, wherever I end up Wherever I end up, I hope you’re there
3.
Stand Tall 02:22
I’m an agent of resistance I want a better way But when it’s finally time to speak out I have nothing left to say I applaud you, but in private Alone you’ll take the heat Cuz it works to my advantage Not to bite the hand that feeds Stand tall, because you stand alone Stand tall, because I’m keeping my hands clean I agree with you completely But offer no support Cuz it’s hard to stick your neck out And keep one foot in the door
4.
Oh I marched through the jungles out in Vietnam Trying to push all the Commies to the north Well it didn’t end successful or justify the death toll And I ain’t marching anymore Oh I marched with Bin Laden and Saddam Hussein Through the 80s they were on our side of course Freedom fighters aren’t called terrorists when they fight against the Soviets And I ain’t marching anymore It’s always the old to lead us to the war Always the young to fall Now look at all we’ve won with the sabre and the gun Tell me is it worth it all? Oh I marched through the deserts of the Persian Gulf Protecting business interests in the Desert Storm While the oil fields were burning I knew that I was learning That I ain’t marching anymore I was stranded in the streets of Somalia Back to back with the rest of Delta Force When I saw the cost of meddling, oh I began backpedalling And I ain’t marching anymore It’s always the old to lead us to the war Always the young to fall Now look at all we’ve won with the sabre and the gun Tell me is it worth it all? Oh I marched through the mountains of Afghanistan After terrorism crashed upon our shore I assume it must be safer now cuz it’s not in the paper now And I ain’t marching anymore I’m awaiting redeployment in Iraq again Even though nobody seems to know what for The politicians lied and the media complied And I ain’t marching anymore It’s always the old to lead us to the war Always the young to fall Now look at all we’ve won with the sabre and the gun Tell me is it worth it all? Oh I tortured some prisoners in a secret jail But I guess that made them hate us even more You call it national defense or gathering intelligence But I ain’t marching anymore Oh I marched to the sound of the American drum Because the FBI was listening through the door Call it peace or call it treason, call it love or call it reason But I ain’t marching anymore
5.
John Train 03:17
Well you can see me coming, I’m roaring down the track My pants are two weeks dirty with a pipe stuffed down the back A reflection of a life that never quite made history You all know my old friend Bobby but you don’t remember me My name is Train, John Train My name is Train, John Train If you’re wondering where I come from, brother I’d be glad to tell Oh I start my biography at the Chelsea Hotel That’s where I committed murder back in 19-7-5 When two men walked on in, but I’m the one that’s still alive My name is Train, John Train My name is Train, John Train It used to be so easy, no I didn’t need to try The CIA is after me, so is the FBI Now I’m wallowing in madness, all the glory days behind And I thought a little homocide might help me clear my mind My name is Train, John Train My name is Train, John Train Well you can see me coming, I’m roaring down the track My pants are two weeks dirty with a pipe stuffed down the back A reflection of a life that never quite made history You all know my old friend Bobby but you don’t remember me My name is Train, John Train My name is Train, John Train
6.
Don’t be a dick, learn how to deal Don’t be a dick, learn how to deal I say we don’t need any gods Or anti-marijuana laws We shouldn’t kill people just to prove that killing’s wrong We shouldn’t think of meat as food Or terrorize the ones that do The people on the tube should only tell you news that’s true Don’t be a dick (don’t be a dick!) Learn how to deal (learn how to deal!) Don’t be a dick (don’t be a dick!) Learn how to deal (learn how to deal!) We shouldn’t threaten kids with Hell But we should ask and we should tell There should be more to life than accumulating wealth Don’t ever side against the poor And never ever start a war And always speak your mind cuz that’s what freedom’s for! Don’t be a dick (don’t be a dick!) Learn how to deal (learn how to deal!) Don’t be a dick (don’t be a dick!) Learn how to deal (learn how to deal!) Two commandments is enough (one two!) Two commandments is enough (one two!)
7.
All aboard, the train is leaving Are you coming to the future or not? You can say no and keep believing That the progress and momentum can stop And you can book a flight to Texas And you can push for a secession And you can give high fives to Jesus Christ And write laws based on religion And we won’t miss you when you’re gone Cuz our women will be liberated It won’t be queer or black or poor It will be bigotry that’s hated Go start your own theocracy With fairy tales and insanity Cast votes for Norris and Hannity Go Cowboys!
8.
Noble Masses 01:42
We’re asking angry questions Shouting down the answers Don’t want to hear solutions Just the sound of our own voices We got posters and opinions Flyers and some slogans We’re fighting all the good fights Using selfish activism It’s empowering to be part of the mob We stand together, backed by Beck and God You can try to pit your science Against our inner feeling We’re ignoring your statistics Cuz they don’t fit what we’re thinking It’s obvious the real world Has a strong left-leaning bias We’d much prefer the nightmare And attack the passing shadows It’s empowering to be part of the mob We stand together, backed by Beck and God Because in this crusade We find the strength in numbers to be brave The world around is terrifying These ages are dark And God damn anyone who lights a spark The world around is terrifying United together with selfish intentions We stand arm in arm against human progression
9.
By the time that this pays off You might be sick of me By the time that this pays off I might be sick of you By the time that this pays off We might be sick of it By the time that this pays off We might have something better to do Working and trying Laughing and lying And no one wants to speak their mind Dodging and dancing With reckless abandon Just twisting another line Aggressive enjoyment While always avoiding Just looking in each other’s eyes Acting and posing And music composing Should come as no surprise that By the time that this pays off You might be sick of me By the time that this pays off I might be sick of you By the time that this pays off We might be sick of it By the time that this pays off We might have something better to do From crawling to walking And crying to talking We still have a ways to go Just feeling and bumping And making assumptions About a world we don’t know It’s not what it seems But it means everything Cuz we’ve never been here before At the end of the path We’ll just look back and laugh At the things we struggled for, and By the time that this pays off You might be sick of me By the time that this pays off I might be sick of you By the time that this pays off We might be sick of it By the time that this pays off We might have something better to do Fumbling and mumbling at top speed Seems to get the job done right Baby, maybe irony is all we need To forget the mess last night Obviously we agreed Not to turn on the light Because today’s another day Yeah, and nothing’s gonna change By the time that this pays off You might be sick of me By the time that this pays off I might be sick of you By the time that this pays off We might be sick of it By the time that this pays off We might have something better to do
10.
Sometimes I have an energy, I’m revving in the red I’m feeling friendly just like dynamite And sometimes it takes everything to just get out of bed And I can’t and I won’t change a thing Sometimes my body can’t keep up when I try to push ahead I’m staying busying all through the night And sometimes I’m immobile, kind of paralyzed instead And I can’t and I won’t change a thing And when I hit the bottom and I need to clear my head I can’t even bring myself to sing Sometimes I’m living twice a life and other times I’m dead And I can’t and I won’t change a thing Sometimes I give the orders, so remember what I said I set the course because I know I’m right And sometimes I surrender cuz I’d rather just be led And I can’t and I won’t change a thing And when I hit the bottom and I need to clear my head I can’t even bring myself to sing Sometimes I’m living twice a life and other times I’m dead And I can’t and I won’t change a thing
11.
You said nothing when I needed something Either good or bad, that didn’t matter Instead you stood your ground, you didn’t make a sound Do you believe that choice was for the better Now I keep thinking of possible reasons That you held your tongue Many among them are probably worse Than reality thanks to imagination Oh you could’ve told me everything was fine Because even if that’s not the truth It’s hardly a difficult lie Oh you could’ve told me everything was fine Because even if everything’s fucked It’s hardly a difficult lie
12.
Dub Train 03:28
Whoo whooooo.

about

This song was written about a fleeting paranoid thought I had. It was dismissed immediately because it’s kinda ridiculous, but it’s about the feeling that people were making me miserable just to keep me writing songs. See? Silly. I guess instrumental-wise, this is the most unusual on the album, and it definitely owes it’s sound in part to Bomb The Music Industry!. And once again, I’ve begun a release with a shorter song.

credits

released September 29, 2009

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Open Hand Records Agawam, Massachusetts

Open Hand Records is a donation based music collective spanning across the united states and england. Good music, good people.

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